ELECTION PRIORITIES: Average Aussie Voters prefer a PM who promises Free Stuff, National Survey finds

Canberra, AUSTRALIA—A national survey has found that Average Australians are most likely to vote for a Prime Minister who promises to give out Free Stuff. The Bokchoy's Political Expert, Jerry Shailerton, reports from the capital.

With the next Federal Election likely to occur before the end of 2016, candidates are rushing to gauge public opinion on the best policies for securing voter support.

While the latest approval polls suggest current Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull could be re-elected, a study conducted by third-party group Fudge & Co. Statistics show that voters are actually capable of free-thinking.

The results show that the Australian public is most likely to vote for whoever promises Free Stuff, regardless of their political affiliation.

Among the freeloaders surveyed, over 90-percent of respondents expressed a specific preference for a Muslim-Free Australia and Free Southern Cross Tattoos—making One Nation leader Pauline Hanson the most likely candidate to win the next Federal Election, based on her policy history.

For more Election Coverage, follow The Bokchoy's Facebook page.

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ELECTION PRIORITIES: Average Aussie Voters prefer a PM who promises Free Stuff, National Survey finds

Gary Lo Mar 16, 2016

BREAKING NEWS: Humans of Sunnybank Creator killed in Market Square car accident, "Not Suspicious", Eyewitnesses say

Sunnybank, QUEENSLAND—The creator of Australia's #1 racist Facebook page, Humans of Sunnybank, has reportedly been killed in a car accident in Brisbane's southside.

Jackie Chang, 22, co-founder of Humans of Sunnybank in July 2015, was pronounced dead on scene at Market Square on early afternoon of Saturday, 12 March 2016.

Mr Chang was allegedly meeting with a business partner at Sakuraya to discuss advertising the page on The Bokchoy, when he was ejected by staff for refusing to order any of their overpriced drinks.

As he exited the cafe onto the road, a Toyota Camry performing a reverse park collided with Mr Chang—which knocked him to the ground; the driver then executed a 15-point-turn on top of his body, before driving away.

Eyewitnesses say the incident did not look suspicious and the events that occurred "happens every day at Market Square".

Police have detained an 40-year-old Asian woman who appears to be in her mid-20s as the suspected driver of the Toyota Camry.

BREAKING NEWS , Business , Entertainment , People , Politics

BREAKING NEWS: Humans of Sunnybank Creator killed in Market Square car accident, "Not Suspicious", Eyewitnesses say

Gary Lo Mar 12, 2016

HEADHUNTED: Paul Sheehan impresses News Ltd with Anti-Arab Fake Rape Story - "Our audiences would love that"

Sydney, NEW SOUTH WALES—Sydney Morning Herald journalist Paul Sheehan has impressed potential employers at News Ltd with his now-withdrawn Anti-Arab fake rape article. The Bokchoy's Media Analyst, Nigel Firth, reports.

Journalist Paul Sheehan was suspended from duty at the Sydney Morning Herald (SMH) on Friday, 4 March 2016 for an allegedly false article that contained unsubstantiated claims from a lying source who was a set-up to try and ruin Mr Sheehan's reputation.

Despite the premeditated attack on the renowned journalist, the article's publication has actually worked in Mr Sheehan's favour, drawing the attention of headhunters from News Ltd who have been impressed by the raw appeal of the Anti-Muslim story.

While an ignorant minority are demanding for Mr Sheehan to be named and shamed on Today Tonight, over 85-percent of the public reportedly identify with the Anti-Muslim sentiment, even commending the columnist for the "brilliant career move".

A resident from Sydney's Mosman showered praises on the Australian hero: "Wow, Paul! Great Anti-Muslim fanfiction, keep it up, proud of you!"

Aside from News Ltd showing interest in the gifted writer, sources indicate that Mr Sheehan could also be approached by Channel 9's A Current Contrived Affair (ACA) for multiple roles in an upcoming series of Anti-Muslim propaganda pieces.

Paul Sheehan fans can stay up-to-date with new developments by following The Bokchoy on Facebook.

BREAKING NEWS , Business , Entertainment , Politics

HEADHUNTED: Paul Sheehan impresses News Ltd with Anti-Arab Fake Rape Story - "Our audiences would love that"

Gary Lo Mar 5, 2016

JOB OPPORTUNITY: A Current Affair seeks Experienced Racists for Anti-Asian Scoop—Immediate Start, Big $$$, Apply Within

Sydney, NEW SOUTH WALES—Channel 9's acclaimed journalism program, A Contrived Current Affair, is seeking experienced racists for an upcoming Anti-Asian story and offering a generous payment for any comment. The Bokchoy's resident Asian News Reporter, Benjamin Chow, has the inside scoop.

For over 30 years, A Contrived Current Affair (ACA), one of Australia's most unbiased news programs, has been at the forefront of investigative journalism.

With more than 10 Logie purchases wins during its tenure, ACA cemented its reputation as Australia's flagship current affairs news program as early as the 1970s.

A household name to many Australian families, ACA has also built a tradition of giving back to the community—by offering generous amounts of money to members of the public to appear in television interviews. The latest opportunity is as follows:

Many who have already applied for the job have praised ACA for the lenient eligibility criteria: any history of Anti-Asian sentiment, which covers at least 90-percent of the Australian public.

"We really believe in Equal Opportunity at Channel 9 and wanted to offer this position to as many people as possible," a source from ACA said.

Have an experience with shonky Asian tradies turning our fat kids into welfare cheats that spread their kitchen germs from the neighbour from hell? Apply now on The Bokchoy's Facebook page.

BREAKING NEWS , Entertainment , People , Politics

JOB OPPORTUNITY: A Current Affair seeks Experienced Racists for Anti-Asian Scoop—Immediate Start, Big $$$, Apply Within

Gary Lo Mar 2, 2016

NO RESPECT: Homeless Man accepts Spare Change then rudely refuses to be in Good Samaritan's New Facebook Profile Photo

Brisbane City, QUEENSLAND—A homeless man from the streets of Brisbane has stirred controversy by rudely refusing to appear in a Good Samaritan's new Facebook profile photo.

Benjo Kawadji, 53, who has been homeless for over 20 years, was met with surprise when a stranger offered him spare change for the first time since 1999.

Darren 'Dazza' Hodgers, a first-year student at the University of Queensland, was just passing by when he saw an opportunity to score a new Facebook profile photo help someone in need.

While Mr Kawadji initially appreciated the kind gesture, the interaction went sour when Dazza pulled out his iPhone 6S to capture a photo of their meeting.

"Are you F***king serious? I gave him a whole F***king TWO DOLLARS, and he wouldn't take a selfie with me." Dazza complained to The Bokchoy. "I would'a gotten so much puss with that photo. F*** that guy, I hope he dies in the gutter."

It is believed that Dazza took to Facebook to vent his frustrations, calling out the homeless man and discouraging others from helping him.

"If I ever see that filthy hobo again, seriously gonna knock his teeth out. Ungrateful C*** who wouldn't take a selfie with me after I gave him all my spare change," Dazza wrote in a post that has gone viral, earning over 1,000 Likes from his friends, classmates, and family members.

BREAKING NEWS , Entertainment , People , Politics

NO RESPECT: Homeless Man accepts Spare Change then rudely refuses to be in Good Samaritan's New Facebook Profile Photo

Gary Lo

CAUGHT OUT: Comedian Chris Rock brings shame to Black Community at Oscars by stealing Racist Anti-Asian Joke

Hollywood, LOS ANGELES—Comedian Chris Rock has brought shame to the African-American community for his controversial Oscars hosting performance, when he delivered an Anti-Asian joke stolen straight from racist Facebook page, Humans of Sunnybank.

Black History Month, observed annually in the United States in February, has been marred by the unprofessionalism of Comedian Chris Rock who allegedly copied a racist joke straight from Humans of Sunnybank—word for word.

The ghost of Martin Luther King Jr took to Twitter to express his displeasure at Mr Rock's lack of judgement: "Yo homeboy, you brought shame to all black people by stealing that joke. Now everybody gonna think all N*****s are thieves, when only 80-percent of us are. That ain't cool, yo."

Although most of the community were shocked by the comedian's antics at the 88th Academy Awards, race relations experts were not nearly as surprised, having predicted this outcome in advance.

"It's pretty obvious that Chris grew up stealing TVs, cars, watermelons and KFC—I mean, he's black and he came from a rough neighbourhood—so I ain't surprised he would steal comedy material, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Next time, learn to write your own jokes, N*****," commented one Oscars viewer.

BREAKING NEWS , Business , Entertainment , Politics

CAUGHT OUT: Comedian Chris Rock brings shame to Black Community at Oscars by stealing Racist Anti-Asian Joke

Gary Lo Mar 1, 2016

OVERHEARD: Real reason why Cardinal George Pell won't return to Australia - "What if a Muslim hijacked the plane?"

Vatican City, ROME—An eavesdropper within Catholic Church headquarters has exposed the real reason why Cardinal George Pell won't return to Australia, for fear of having his flight being hijacked by a Muslim.

Cardinal George Pell, under scrutiny for allegedly sheltering pedophiles within the Catholic Church hierarchy, initially claimed to be too unwell to return from Rome to attend the Royal Commission on Child Abuse.

However, new information from an eavesdropper from within the Vatican suggests Cardinal Pell had other concerns: "I wouldn't feel safe [coming home]. What if a Muslim hijacked the plane? Don't you know that 25-percent of all Muslims are terrorists?"

While the Cardinal has been accused of willfully protecting child molestors/rapists during his tenure as the Archibishop of Melbourne, religious experts have advocated the church leader's innocence, saying he was merely 'following [his] job description'.

"The [Catholic Church] has protected sexual predators for, give or take, some 300 years. It's a longstanding tradition. So I urge the community to stop giving Cardinal Pell such a hard time," commented Dr Jeremy Harding, Professor of Religious Studies at Ashwood University.

The Australian public have reached out in support for Cardinal Pell—"a real national treasure"—with one non-religious fan even composing a touching musical tribute encouraging the church leader to overcome his fear of going to prison being lynched Muslim extremists flying and come home.

"Come home, Cardinal Pell..."

BREAKING NEWS , People , Politics

OVERHEARD: Real reason why Cardinal George Pell won't return to Australia - "What if a Muslim hijacked the plane?"

Gary Lo