The Bokchoy「白菜新聞」- The world's first Internet Newspaper: Health

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Szechuan, CHINA - Angry Apple customers have demanded replacement products from the tech giant, after the first batch of iPhone Xs malfunctioned due to poor assembly.

The iPhone X, Apple Corporation's flagship product released on 3 November 2017, has not exactly experienced a smooth launch.

It is reported that the first batch of iPhone Xs, preordered months in advance by the most die-hard ~~iSheep~~ Apple fans, are faulty due to a manufacturing error.

A DNA test revealed that the blood and sweat of a 6-year-old Chinese boy, which had become embedded within the phone during assembly, caused the phones to malfunction.

"I'm honestly *&^%ing disgusted to find out that some filthy Asian kid touched my $1500 phone," said Jack Mirrodin, who took a week off work to camp out and be first in line to buy the iPhone X.

Sources say the entire first batch of iPhone Xs released to developed countries such as the United States and Australia all suffer the same issue.

Customers have now demanded that Apple provide "clean" copies of the iPhone X that haven't been handled by child slave workers.

A spokesperson for the tech giant says it will consider using Caucasian child slaves in future, if there is enough demand for it, and "will assess the viability of these changes on profit margins."

BREAKING NEWS , Health , People , Technology

Apple Customers Demand Replacement Product after iPhone X Malfunctions from Assembly Error

Gary Lo Nov 22, 2017

Sunnybank, QUEENSLAND—An Asian man has woken up from a 48-day coma and shocked his famiry by immediately asking for a bowl of Hakataya Ramen.

Po-jin Lau, 36, fell into a coma back in early April after causing and surviving a dangerous car accident in the Market Square carpark in Brisbane Southside suburb Sunnybank.

Mr Lau, who is one of many Asians in Brisbane who drive without a valid license, was very lucky to be alive.

After a grueling 48 days, with family and medical staff unsure if he’d ever wake up or suffer from permanent brain damage, Mr Lau woke up, and although he struggled to speak, when he finally did, he uttered the words: "I want Hakataya Ramen."

Doctors asked Mr Lau what he experienced while in a comatose state, and the patient recalled vivid dreams.

"I had a terrible nightmare, I want to wake up wery badry [sic]—in my dream, everybody who drink Sakuraya get the diabetes and died! And they still charging $10 for a milk tea!" said Mr Lau.

Mr Lau now has a second chance at life, and hopes to get back on the road soon.

BREAKING NEWS , Business , Food , Health , People

After 48-day coma, Asian man shocks famiry with first words 'I want Hakataya Ramen'

Gary Lo May 16, 2016

Pyongyang, NORTH KOREA—The Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un has promised for North Korea to produce all future Nuclear Weapons using 100-percent Recyclable Parts, to help do its part in making the Earth a better place. The Bokchoy's Undercover Journalist, Nigel Fry, reports.

Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader of North Korea, has declared that his nation will in future only use 100-percent Recyclable Parts to build Nuclear Weapons.

North Korea, known for its reputation of being the world's leader in nuclear power, now wants to focus its scientific efforts on saving the world.

The dictatorship plans to begin mass producing these recyclable nuclear warheads in June 2016, with the intention of fast-tracking the new technology and distributing it to neighbouring countries.

"Soon we will have the powar to send renewable materials to anywhere in Pranet Earth—faster than you can say 'Nucrear Raunch Detected!'," boasted Professor Park Jin-baek, North Korea's leading nuclear researcher and former professional Starcraft Terran player.

As of writing, Mr Kim Jong-un has received a Nobel Peace Prize nomination for his contribution in preserving the planet.

BREAKING NEWS , Health , People , Politics , Technology

EDEN OF THE EAST: North Korea to use 100% Recyclable Parts in all future Nuclear Weapon Production

Gary Lo May 12, 2016

New York City, NEW YORK—A young woman offers a homeless man a bottle of water, and in a truly selfless act captures the moment on camera to inspire others on Facebook to follow her example.

Saskia Michaels, 24, was on her way to a lunch-date with a friend in New York City, when she noticed a man lying in the gutter. who she concluded to be homeless based on his clothing and unshaven face.

Seeing an opportunity to be charitable, Ms Michaels offered a bottle of water to the gentleman and asked her friend to take a photo of the heartwarming moment. "Just take like 10 [photos], we'll pick the best one," witnesses heard her say.

Ms Michaels, a Law student in her first year of college, knows just how precious a $3.50 bottle of water can be.

"I knew by giving away that bottle of water, that I would have to eat instant noodles for another three weeks," she told The Bokchoy, wiping tears from her eyes. "But I also knew: that homeless man needed it way more than I did."

After having her post shared over 15,000 times on Facebook, Ms Michaels posted a response to the publicity she received: "I know some people think it was really selfless of me to give away that bottle of water, but the truth is—it's not about how much you give, but how many people see you do it. God bless."

BREAKING NEWS , Education , Health , People , Politics

ACT OF KINDNESS: Young Woman helps Homeless Man, Selflessly Captures it on Camera to Inspire Others on Facebook

Gary Lo Feb 29, 2016

Seattle, WASHINGTON—Scientists from the Global Institute of Mental Health have found a way to diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Gold Digger Syndrome with 100-percent accuracy by observing an individual's Facebook usage.

Hailing Mark Zuckerberg as a genius, the researchers from the Global Institute of Mental Health (GIMH) developed a formula in correlation with a person's Facebook activity to determine whether or not they were obsessed with self-image and impressing others.

"Without Facebook's existence, this breakthrough wouldn't have been possible. Now we have a sure way of identifying serial attention seekers," said Professor Erik Bunsenmeyer, GIMH's Head of Mental Health Research.

Although Personality Disorders have been difficult to diagnose for many decades, the introduction of social media has significantly simplified the process.

"If a person posts at least one Selfie a day, or posts an Instagram of every single meal they eat, or uses the Check-In feature to brag about where they went—you know who to unfollow/unfriend, it's the most accurate method we've found,"

While 95-percent of Facebook accounts are primarily used for stalking an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or for spying on potential suitors, this new discovery actually makes using the social media platform a worthwhile experience.

"When you get engaged to a woman, take note: if she uploads photos of her diamond ring from more than one angle [...] yeah, that's a sign of Advanced Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Gold Digger Syndrome—I'd call off the engagement right away," said Kyle Durndham, Dating Coach. "Relationships are so easy, dude. Isn't Facebook amazing?"

BREAKING NEWS , Business , Education , Health , Technology

Researchers have Scientific Breakthrough in diagnosing Narcissistic Personality Disorder with 100% Accuracy

Gary Lo Feb 28, 2016

Sunnybank, QUEENSLAND—A New Chinese Take-Away Franchise, CHING Y CHONG (CYC), is set to open in April in Sunnybank, Brisbane's Chinatown District. CYC promises to bring a revival of Chinese food and revolutionise the Spring Roll. The Bokchoy's Lifestyle Journalist, Kathleen Benson, reports from the Brisbane suburb.

CHING Y CHONG - Chinese Take-Away, CYC for short, is the brainchild of Michelin Star-Winning Sydney Restaurateur, Michael Fei-Jai Ching, and Brisbane's own "King of Take-Away", Jimmy Chong.

Mr Chong—whose great-great grandfather was the first to introduce Sweet & Sour Pork to Brisbane's Chinatown during the early 1960s—is a true example of Asian work ethic, not sitting idle after the successful opening of Hungry Chan's in 2015.

"My whole famiry [sic], we are expert in Chinese Take-Away. More than 88 year experience all together," Mr Chong said, while stroking his Fu Manchu moustache.

While CYC will serve a variety of Chinese staples, including Fried Rice, Sweet & Sour Pork, Spring Rolls, Prawn Crackers, and ~~Mongolian~~ Chinese Beef with a twist, the restaurant will not use any MSG in its foods for a completely brand-new never-before-eaten Chinese Take-Away experience.

Mr Chong is confident CYC will bring something new to the table and reignite people's love for Chinese food: "We only use best meat in all our recipe, fresh dog steaks import directly from China, 100-percent guarantee."

The first CHING Y CHONG - Chinese Take-Away is due to open on 1 April, 2016 in the heart of Sunnybank. For updates, follow The Bokchoy's Facebook page.

BREAKING NEWS , Business , Entertainment , Food , Health , People

New Chinese Take-Away Franchise to open in Brisbane's Chinatown - "Our Spring Roll is so good, you'll think we use MSG"

Gary Lo Feb 25, 2016

El Segundo, CALIFORNIA—American toy manufacturer Mattel has just announced it will be expanding its Barbie Doll Collection with new offerings in 2016, including a Curvy Body Feminist Barbie modeled by famous comedian Amy Schumer.

Amy Schumer, comedian and actress, is most well-known for her sexual assault on a drunk man—a story she fondly retells as part of her stand-up comedy act.

The doll, to be released mid-2016, bears Schumer's likeness including an exact replication of the comedian's triple chin.

Toy enthusiasts and Barbie collectors have praised the realism of the Amy Schumer Barbie, commenting: "The doll is fat and, to be honest, it's not that funny, well, not funny at all—just like Amy."

A source from Mattel boasted about the advancements that made this new inclusion to the Barbie Collection possible: "Our research & development team came up with a way to make Barbie appear 4 times as fat as before, while still using the same amount of plastic. It's an engineering miracle."

Despite the positive impressions from the community, parents are outraged over Mattel's decision to model a Barbie after Amy Schumer.

"Our little girls grow up wanting to be just like their Barbies, and it's not okay for them to see a rapist as their role model. What's next? A Pedophile Ken?" said Bianca Trey, proud feminist and promoter of love, joy, and peace.