Yulin, CHINA—Asia's Dog Population is on the verge of extinction after the biggest Chinese New Year Celebration in History, along with MSG and Soy Sauce at their lowest ever supply since December 27, 1975.
On the first weekend of February 2016, Asian families around the world enjoyed their annual Chinese New Year celebrations—many of which consisted of a Tsingtao-fuelled traditional Chinese banquet complemented with lion dancing, Mahjong and maths competitions.
However, the conclusion of the festivities was marred by a sharp decline to the dog population around the world—leaving Asian Culture Experts concerned that future Chinese New Year celebrations may never be quite the same ever again.
Another oriental delicacy, Monosodium glutamate (commonly known as MSG), a core feature of Asian cooking—first used as an ingredient as early as 1200 BC—is also in critically low supply after Chinese New Year. MSG is highly regarded as the defining "edge" that separates authentic Asian dishes from cheap imitations.
The Chinese community, outraged with the prospect of eating alternative meats after 5,000 years of favouring canine consumption, is laying the blame on pet owners for perpetuating the culture of castrating domestic animals. Asia's finest cooks have even started a petition calling for an international ban on neutering.
"So stupid to cut the little brother of the dog, then they can't born new ones [sic]. Do you stop the chicken from laying more eggs? No! So why do it with the dog?" said Tak-Ho Zhu, one of the judges of MasterChef China.
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