Sunnybank man finally passes driving test after eight tries, southside drivers urged to stay off roads for a few days

Sunnybank, QLD—A Chinese man has finally passed his driving test after eight attempts, having accumulated over $9,000 worth of damages on his 1993 Toyota Camry and other cars while doing so.

Ng Jia-Che, 55, officially received his Queensland driver licence earlier today; he celebrated by buying a brand new Toyota Camry, which the dealership allegedly could not deliver due to the delivery driver having a sudden "stomach ache"—so they insisted that he drive it home himself.

Mr Ng was more than happy to do so, proud to be officially recognised as road-worthy, at least on paper, if not by neighbours and other locals.

Queensland Transport has now declared a danger warning for Sunnybank roads in light of these recent developments.

"Take only eight try, easy, the first seven time, always someone crash me!" Mr Ng said. "You think is bad, wait until you look at my wife driving—she can win Australia's Worst Driver no probrem!"

The newly licensed driver told The Bokchoy that, earlier this year, Mrs Ng executed a 15-point-turn to reverse out from their Sunnybank home to go to Market Square, one of Sunnybank's most popular food centers.

Eyewitnesses and business owners claim that upon arriving at the car park, Mrs Ng spent 30 minutes attempting a perpendicular park before giving up and driving back to her house, a mere 2 minute walk away.

Queensland Transport has now declared a danger warning for Sunnybank roads in light of these recent developments—"Drive at your own risk."

BREAKING NEWS , People

Sunnybank man finally passes driving test after eight tries, southside drivers urged to stay off roads for a few days

Gary Lo Oct 30, 2015

CONSUMER WARNING: Everyone who has ever drank bottled water has died, new research shows

Oxford, ENGLAND—The Global Wellness Organisation (GWO) has issued a consumer warning after a new study has shown that everyone who has ever drank bottled water has died.

For many years, consumers have believed bottled water to be a specially processed strand of H2O with better taste and actual health benefits over tap water (which is more well-known in developed nations as "the peasants' beverage").

But now, after a Government-funded 4-year research program, a team from the University of New Oxford (UNO) has released a worrying report detailing the dangers of drinking bottled water—it is speculated that the results could topple the entire H2O industry.

"Everyone who has ever drank bottled water has died ... We thought for many years that it had real health benefits ... We were so wrong."

By packaging freely available liquid into plastic bottles and labelling it with a price tag, so began the most sinister marketing strategy unknown to man in the 21st Century.

After weeks of extensive testing, the Faculty of Biological Science discovered a 100-percent mortality rate among people who had consumed bottled water at any point in their life.

"Everyone who has ever drank bottled water has died, our findings showed," said Lead Researcher Alfred Ernestine, Faculty of Biological Science, UNO.

"We thought for many years that it had real health benefits and wasn't just a capitalist ploy to make money from something freely available ... We were so wrong..."

The GWO has urged water-drinkers around the world to cease H2O consumption immediately in preparation for a worldwide recall of the product.

BREAKING NEWS , Food , Health , People

CONSUMER WARNING: Everyone who has ever drank bottled water has died, new research shows

Gary Lo Oct 24, 2015